There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
