I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
