I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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