If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
