literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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