I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
