this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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