You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
