I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
