Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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