I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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