I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize