Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
