if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
