Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
