I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
