My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
