I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
