I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize