chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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