don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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