Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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