I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
