I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize