i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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