She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just had sex on a roof
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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