his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize