I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
