honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
