Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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