know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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