Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
