That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
