Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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