At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
