somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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