bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
