If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
