Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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