We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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