HIV tests are more positive than that guy
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
