Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
