i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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