just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
