It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
