my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
