Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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