Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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