have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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