I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
