So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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