Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
