Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
