At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
