Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
