Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
