he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think a kid would responsible me up
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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