Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
