quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
