Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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