A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
