Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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