i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
