Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
