i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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