Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
