I can tuck mytits in my pants
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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