i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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