no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
