Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
