I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
