I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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