Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
