im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish there were birth control emojis
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
the liver wants what the liver wants
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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