Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
