Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i love accidental penises.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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