i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
